Lars and the Real Girl

All right, this is a movie about a young man who orders a life-size sex doll online, and believes that it’s a real, flesh-and-blood woman. That could be the set-up for either a serial-killer movie or a bad Adam Sandler comedy. But instead, the filmmakers took the cute-yet-dramatic route, giving us a story that is predictable, yet still works better than one would think.

The trouble with Lars, the guy with his name in the title, is that he’s painfully shy and has difficulty interacting with the small town community around him, including Lars’s brother and pregnant sister-in-law. It’s enough to make people concerned, but no one is truly alarmed until Lars’s sex-doll Bianca arrives, and Lars shows her around. That’s when it’s apparent that maybe, just maybe, there might be something a little more wrong with Lars than being introverted.

Lars and Bianca are quickly taken to a family doctor/psychologist who starts seeing Lars regularly, under the pretext of giving Bianca treatments for low blood pressure. One would think that the good doctor would load Lars up with enough medication to make a cow hallucinate, but instead she advises the brother and sister-in-law to play along with Lars’ delusion.



And since the local community cares about Lars so much, they decide to go along with it as well and treat Bianca the same way they’d treat an actual human being. They get into the act so much that Bianca is soon working at volunteer programs, getting makeovers with the girls, and working part-time as a model at a local clothing store. Clearly, this is a small-town from the same era as Leave It To Beaver, and has never had to deal with life during the Bush administration.

The plot also involves a co-worker of Lars who has a thing for him, and is apparently one of the rare breed of women who likes shy guys who don’t talk much and keep to themselves. Of course, Lars starts dating her by the end of the movie, because that’s just how these things go.

But sometimes there’s nothing wrong with an ending that’s so predictable. The journey to get there still works, and Lars and The Real Girl is honestly a fun movie that’s worth taking a look at.



- Nate

Episode 65

Check out the Podcast and drop us a line at Itson@paperlabstudios.com
Also, search itunes for IsThisThingOn by Hyakkimaru and please subscribe and review us.

Much thanks the Marc the maestro of many an episode.

Ghetto.

Muscle Thug Love.

The Louder the better.

What it do:

gURLZ


Mutant or potential Maury guest?

A sequel to Jlo's 'The Cell'

To dream the impossible dream

Marvel VS Capcom, and Trish

And now the show:
Get ready for fun and excitement as Steve and Tamika ramble on about beta keys kickstarter projects mutant babies and just how bad lying to a girl can be.

Double T
Episode 65.

Regular posts, my butt

Okay I don't post as regularly as I would like, buuut, I was getting ready for Supercon. That went very well I must say, and was very fun. I hung with the Plughitz while doing sketches and giving away prints. It certainly was fun times and I appreciate all the support from you guys, especially the young lady who asked for a very special Solid Snake and Cable.
Most of all, I appreciate the participation in the panels that I was involved in. I didn't think I would have enjoyed them as much as I did, but it was fun especially my 'Draw Stupid Draw' panel. All you peops who showed up for that, make sure to keep drawing and keep practicing.
This is short, but I figure I may as well write something short and heartfelt as opposed to spending a whole email writing a novel.

Thanks everyone.


Supercon Avengers by ~paperlab on deviantART

This is actual my favorite of the two

Supercon X-men by ~paperlab on deviantART

Blood Creek

Blood Creek is another one of those movies that was shot for a theatrical release, but wound up being short-changed by the studio. Though in Blood Creek’s case it did get shown in a couple dollar theaters before it’s DVD release, oddly enough. Maybe there was a contract that needed to be fulfilled. But in any case, director Joel Schumacher did a good job with the material, and it’s a well-shot flick. Though the story itself is going to be a little too convoluted for many viewers.

The movie opens with a black and white sequence that shows a German-American family named the Wollners, living on a farm in West Virginia, just a couple years before World War 2 begins. The Wollners play host to a German Officer who came to their farm to study an ancient Viking rune stone, set into the foundation of their farm. The officer, Richard Wirth, plans to use the stone both for the Nazi cause and to obtain immortality.



Cut from there to modern times. A paramedic named Evan Marshall is having trouble moving on with his life after Victor Marshall, his war-hero brother, disappeared two years ago. But then one morning Victor suddenly shows back up in Evan’s bedroom, shaking Evan awake. Victor’s covered in blood and wounds, and the first thing he asks is for Evan to go get their guns. Soon, Evan and Victor travel to the Wollners farmhouse, where Victor has been held all this time. It turns out that Wirth is still alive, and he’s kept the Wollner family frozen in time with black magic, all so that they can help him complete a process to make him immortal. Which, as it so happens, involves torturing random victims over the course of many, many years.

Hope you got all that, because the movie is even more complicated than it might sound.



But to give credit where it’s due, once Blood Creek gets going it never lets up. The Marshall brothers and the Wollner family soon find themselves in a siege situation with Wirth, who has grown pretty damn twisted over the years. And while he can’t get into the house due to protective runes, he can still control dead men and animals, and send them in to attack. So yeah, we’re given the familiar horror tropes of the siege, the torture, and the living dead. But there are some other new ideas in there as well that I won’t spoil here.

I will, however, say how great it was to see a zombie horse crash through a window, bite a character in the shoulder and drag him outside. And then smash back into the house and attack the other characters. I never knew how much I wanted to see that on film until it actually happened, and I thank Joel Schumacher for it.

But of course, it still doesn’t make up for what Joel Schumacher did in Batman Forever. It’s kind of doubtful that anything ever will. Though with Blood Creek, it’s good to watch Schumacher make the attempt.



- Nate

The Extraordinary Adventures Of Adèle Blanc-Sec

It’s a comic book movie that you’ve never heard of, but actually did pretty well at the box office last weekend. In France.



Here, have a look.

Deadgirl

In the mood for something different? Think the zombie genre is all played out? Feel like watching something disturbing, controversial, and absolutely not for conservatives?

Then man, I’ve got a movie for you. The title is “Deadgirl,” and the subject matter is not for the squeamish.

Rickie and J.T. are both high school burnouts, just trying to kill time until they graduate. One day they decide to ditch class and head to an abandoned sanitarium for an afternoon of hanging out and vandalism. What they wind up getting is chased through the hallways by a stray dog.



The two of them find safety in the basement, as well as a metal door that’s been rusted shut for decades. Behind that door they discover something that couldn’t possibly be there; a naked woman who’s chained to a table, covered in plastic, perfectly preserved, and not much older than they are. At first the two guys rightfully assume that she’s dead. And then she starts to move.

Rickie’s first thought is to go to the police. J.T. on the other hand wants to keep her, and use her as his own personal sex toy.

Yes, you read that last part right. And no, this is definitely not family entertainment.

Anyway, it’s soon revealed that their first impression was correct, and the woman is in fact dead. Yet she still moves, hears sound, and is responsive in . . . other ways as well.



But Rickie still tries repeatedly to free her, despite being torn by his loyalty to his friend J.T. And in the process, he discovers that the Dead Girl is aggressive in more ways than one. Those chains around her aren’t just keeping her bound, they’re stopping her from attacking anything that gets too close to her teeth. And to Rickie’s horror, more high school guys find out about the Dead Girl, which in turn leads to an even more horrible discovery; her bite can create more dead people like her.



Now, while this movie did make the rounds in many film festivals and gained a lot of recognition, it also qualifies as low-budget, straight to DVD fare (which I tend to be a fan of). But to give credit where it’s due, the filmmakers do bring a lot of technical skill to the story. Still, the subject matter is likely going to turn off the majority of viewers. Which, honestly, may be for the best. I don’t think anyone wants to live in a world where Deadgirl appeals to the mainstream.

Of course, if you’re a horror fan, then what the hell. Give Deadgirl a shot, and see what you think. Just don’t ever try watching it on a date.



- Nate

Kick Ass The Movie versus Kick Ass The Comic

I believe that most fan-geeks will agree when I say that Kick Ass the movie is honestly more enjoyable than Kick Ass the comic. The characters were more interesting, the plot was tighter, and it didn’t have so much blatant disdain for comic book fans. Hell, it was just more fun.

Which is interesting, considering that the movie was developed almost alongside the comic itself. And while there are many differences between the two versions of the story, there are a couple of changes I think are worth pointing out.


More Metal Bones, Less Pain

In the comic, the character of Kick Ass is only given a single metal plate in his head, after being hit by a car. In the movie, Kick Ass has the metal plate, several metal bones throughout his body, and damaged nerve endings so he can’t feel as much pain. Which makes it much more believable when he has to withstand multiple beatings.


No Flame-throwers

While Hit-Girl still gets to slaughter a small army of mobsters in the movie, she does it without the flame-thrower she had in the comic. So I guess its okay for a little girl to kick, shoot, stab, and mutilate her way through violent criminals on film. But burning them is just a bit too much.



Half The Drug Abuse

In the movie, Red Mist still gets to light up a joint while driving around with Kick Ass. But Hit-Girl doesn’t get to snort up cocaine before getting into her fight scene at the end. Which, admittedly, does show some responsibility on the part of the filmmakers. And heck, maybe Red Mist’s joint was medicinal. Who knows?




No Electrocution Of The Testicles

Nope. Just doesn’t happen. Kick Ass manages to avoid having a car battery hooked up to his beans and franks while on film. Instead, he gets tied to a chair and hammered in the nuts with a baseball bat. Which, let’s face it, is for the best. No one wants to see a fried ball-sack up on a movie theater screen.


Kick Ass Gets To Fly

Yes, in the movie, Kick Ass does get to fly. I won’t spoil how it happens here, but it does work well. And at one point, it even brings to mind The Matrix.




100% More Nicholas Cage as Batman

I know, technically, his superhero name is Big Daddy. But come on, we’re pretty much seeing what it’d look like if Nicholas Cage ever played Batman. Not to mention the image of a mustached-Batman executing a criminal with a shotgun.

So that was the Kick Ass experience. I liked watching the movie, but I’m also glad it’s over and done with. Seeing the advertisements all over the place was getting old. And next time, I say just make it a movie about Hit-Girl.





- Nate

Hitchcockian, I think not.

Birdemic will have a sequel, or at least that's what the director said.

Samurai Wars

It’s an accepted fact that George Lucas was influenced by an old samurai movie called “The Fortress” when he created Star Wars. Well, a sculptor took that notion one step further, and created a line of action figures called Samurai Wars. It re-imagines Star Wars characters as if they actually were in a samurai movie.

Samurai stuff.

Nate

The Collector

All right, it’s a given that everyone’s long since given up on the whole torture-porn sub-genre of horror movies, that was so quickly kick-started by Saw. Nothing knew there. But while The Collector definitely falls into that category, it still manages to stand on it’s own as a good horror story. A flawed one, sure, but still a good one.

The Collector starts off with a down-on-his-luck handyman named Arkin (Josh Stewart), who’s doing construction work on the home of a jewel broker named Michael. While Arkin’s there he bonds with Michael’s youngest daughter, and the audience is also given scenes that establish the characters of Michael’s wife and older daughter. There maybe isn’t a huge amount of characterization taking place, but it’s just about right for the audience to gain sympathy for everyone involved.

After Arkin leaves the house, he goes to meet with his own wife who, as it turns out, owes money to a loan shark. And she needs more cash to get out of town with her and Arkin’s own daughter. With the stakes thus raised, Arkin first meets with a dealer in stolen goods, and then gets back to Michael’s house. There’s a jewel in Michael’s locked safe that’s valuable enough to solve all of Arkin’s problems.

But the thing is, while Arkin was away from the house, a maniac called The Collector showed up. And he spent the last couple of hours capturing Michael’s family and setting up a series of deadly traps. After Arkin discovers what’s going on, he plays a twisted game of hide-and-seek with the Collector, all the while avoiding the traps and trying to save the family.



So yes, it’s a story that lends itself to some genuinely tense scenes, and has enough blood-and-guts for the gore fans. But before the audience can buy any of this, first they have to accept the idea that The Collector had enough time to torture Michael and his wife, AND set up lethal traps while Arkin was gone. And there’s also the question of why the Collector set up the traps to begin with. It’s probably so that he’d have the pleasure of watching his victims try to run, and then get injured or killed . . . though we never know for sure.

But maybe it’s asking for too much to expect a movie like The Collector to be flawless. It’s honestly a more-tense and involving fright flick than many films that get released. And it’s one more welcome alternative to watered-down, PG-13 horror.


- Nate

Nate suggested that this is a must post

Enjoy

Every thing has come full Triangle

Ok yes that's a square...

Triangle is an awesome hidden gem that ran about $12 million, but delivered much more than the typical low budget slasher fare. With that said, the movie has a horrible cg ship is prominent, but is only seen few times. Fortunately by the end of the movie there is a sequence that makes up for the hideous ship, plus the movie itself washes the pain away.

Mellissa George stars, and her awesome legs are visible for 90% of this crazed adventure. The leg statement is essential because they acted as a good tension reliever during the journey of murder and mistrust. I just wonder who they’ll get to play her part in the remake which is guaranteed to happen since nobody watched this movie. Mz George did a great job and honestly, when the other shoe drops and another British property is converted to American I wouldn’t mind seeing her again.

In a nutshell, Triangle is a reverse ‘Groundhog’s day’ due to its similar core concept that never felt gimmicky, and worked well with its basic ‘slasher’ themes. The strength of Triangle rested mainly on the shoulders of its intelligence, and its ability to tell the audience what’s happening without clunky exposition. Rarely have I watched a movie of this sort that made me think (even if for 2 seconds), and even though I did predict where things were going from the first bit of foreshadowing, surprises were still abound.

Director Christopher Smith has directed two prior movies called ‘Severance’ and Creep’, so now I’m going to catch up while anticipating his next project. Talent aside, a large part of this movie’s quality also emerges from the fact that it came from those Kooky former colonial master across the pond. With no involvement from Hollywood, it’s no wonder this came together without much cheese other than the cheesecake.

This movie isn’t perfect by any means, and it does take ideas and cues from past greats, but who cares if it works well. Its kinda like the videogame ‘Darksiders’, it may be every game ever made combined, but what does it matter if it’s done masterfully. I would say see it for yourself and whether you love it or hate it, in the end it can’t be as bad as watching ‘Blindness’.


Hyakkimaru

Turistas

It seemed like most of the advertising for this movie billed it as a torture fest along the line of Hostel and Saw. But while Turistas does contain its share of violence, there’s really only one scene that’s comparable to those films. The rest of it manages to stand on it’s own as a tense, solid thriller.

The movie follows vacationing Americans traveling through Brazil by bus, who happen to meet a couple other tourists on holiday. After the bus breaks down, the group finds themselves stranded at a secluded beach. Rather than wait aimlessly for the next bus to come along, they decide to stay awhile and get on with partying and drinking themselves into unconsciousness.

But the next morning they discover that they were drugged, and robbed while asleep. A local they befriended earlier named Kiko appears, and seems to want to help them. He leads the wayward vacationers to a remote house that he claims is owned by his uncle.

Of course, this movie is a horror-thriller. And if the uncle was as altruistic as Kiko claimed, there wouldn’t be much of a story here.

The “uncle” turns out to be a psychotic medical doctor who shows up at the house with a group of thugs, takes the vacationers prisoner, and plans to harvest their organs for sale on the black market. Some of the vacationers go under the knife, some are killed off, and a few manage to make a break for it. From there, the story leads to a chase through an underwater cave and some of the most tense, memorable scenes in the story.

Turistas may not bring much in the way of originality, but it does hit all the right story beats, and manages to be entertaining. A torture-horror flick that’s light on the torture, but heavy on the suspense.

- Nate

Dying can be a bit difficult

With Die Hard 5 being a potential movie option for Bruce Willis, lets look toward the future.

Dying Hard by =paperlab on deviantART

The Tournament

The Tournament possesses certain qualities that make it destined for late-night on Spike, or 1 am on Showtime; several action set-pieces, plenty of explosions, bullets, blood, martial arts, and minimally developed characters. There’s even a shoot-out at a strip club, providing some gratuitous nudity to go along with the gratuitous violence.

But yes, there actually is a storyline to go along with all this. Every 7 years, 30 assassins from around the world gather in one small, out-of-the-way little town, and there they try to kill each other for a ten million-dollar cash prize. And all the while, a boardroom full of rich men bet on the outcome. The operation is run by a man named Powers, who is so well-connected he can cover up whatever violent shenanigans the assassins get up to. I know, that doesn’t sound likely in this age of cell-phone cameras, but it’s one of those things the audience is just supposed to go with.

And to help keep things interesting, every one of the contestants is implanted with an explosive tracking device and given an electronic locator. They can find each other at any time, and if they don’t play the game, then they’re easily removed from the field. But one of the players tries to cheat by cutting out his tracking device, and tossing it into the coffee of a drunkard priest (Robert Carlyle). After he ingests the small gizmo, the priest is immediately considered to be one of the contestants. Fortunately, a Chinese hit-woman named Lai Lai Zhen (Kelly Hu) decides to protect him. Which gives the audience at least one character who can view the situation with an outsider’s point of view.



Also present is actor Ving Rhames, who hams it up as a hitman named Joshua Harlow. A previous champion of the Tournament, Harlow entered this year’s Tournament to hunt down a rival assassin that he believes killed his wife. Rhames isn’t bad here, though the only special skill his character seems to have is the ability to get shot multiple times without flinching or even slowing down.

Some of the better action scenes in the Tournament involve a Frenchman named Sebastien Foucan, who brings his real-life parkour-runner skills to the film. In particular, there’s a great scene when Somerholder’s been knocked off his feet and is about to get run over by a car. I won’t spoil it here, but it’s one of the standout moments of the movie.

All in all, the Tournament is for fans of movies like Crank, Gamer, Deathrace, and the Condemned. And considering that all of those movies received a theatrical release, it’s a little surprising that the Tournament didn’t. But it’s still a decent way to kill about 90 minutes with mindless violence.



- Nate

Keep that Hulk hand strong

I recently saw the Planet Hulk DVD and I have to say off the bat, it has a way cooler Hulk vs. Thor fight than the ‘Hulk vs. Thor’ DVD, so watch it.

All in all I say Marvel has been picking things up since that god awful Kid Avengers dreck. Even better is that for the first time in my comic book adaptation history my perception matched reality. What I mean is, the names of the characters transferred phonetically from what I had in my head reading, to the TV speakers.

As is expected in anything with the Hulk, he is unstoppable and in an effort to trim runtime, all ponderousness was cut. This gladly left us with just pure badassery, as is evidenced by the brutally graphic alien-bug deaths. Strangely enough by the end I felt like reaching out and hugging the nearest cockroach just to show some type of regret for the green blooded horrors I witnessed.

This wasn’t the greatest comic book animated feature I’ve seen, but it was sure entertaining, and for those of you who have read the comic version, just note there is no Silver Surfer. Never fear though, they have a replacement with an equally if not worse name to make up for his absence.

I didn’t necessarily jive with some of the story changes they made for run time purposes, but so be it. The Hulk having an awesome pimp medallion by the end soon made me forget whatever issues I may have had. I’m certainly hoping for a World War Hulk sequel, and maybe they’ll do the unfathomable and make a better product than the source material.

All in all it was good times and a good watch.


Hyakkimaru

American Movie

Ah, independent filmmaking. There are few people out there with the passion and fortitude it takes to make a short film, let alone a full feature, and see the project through to completion. The process is not for the faint of heart, and struggling with a shoe-string budget, the impulses of actors, and plain old bad luck takes a level of obsession that few possess. And while the final results may not always be worth watching, the journey itself can make for compelling drama.

Which brings us to the documentary called American Movie.

The film follows Wisconsin native Mark Borchardt’s movie-making attempts over the course of three years. At first, Mark tries to get things going on a full length screenplay entitled Northwestern. But after realizing that he doesn’t have the resources to pull it off, Mark decides to shoot a short film of his called Coven. And during the long and frustrating production, Mark faces challenges both in his filmmaking and personal life that would make most folks quit altogether.



During Mark’s journey we’re introduced to some of the characters in his life, including his Uncle Bill, a cranky, retired man who Mark convinces to invest in his movie. Then there’s Mark’s good friend Mike Schank, an ex-alcoholic-turned-gambling-addict who manages to keep an aura of child-like innocence about him, no matter what else is happening. With their help, Mark manages to finish his film, and finally see it screened in front of an audience.

Of course, one could make the point that maybe someone in his early thirties, living at home, eye-ball deep in debt and with three kids might have more important things to worry about than a movie. But it’s those very same reasons that make Mark’s story so compelling. And you have to give the man credit; he worked hard and finished something that most people only ever talk about doing. In his own way, Mark does become an American success story.



- Nate

3 Tekken Trailers

It looks like there's a Tekken movie coming at some point in 2010. For your consideration, here's the trailer for the live-action film, as well as a fan-made trailer, and the trailer for the 1997 Tekken anime.

Enjoy.


Tekken movie trailer


Tekken Live Action Fan Trailer


Tekken: The Motion Picture (1997)

Pon Di Floor...with Dead People

Dance of the Dead


Even for those of us who are die-hard zombie fans, it’s obvious that well-made zombie movies are few and far between. So when one comes along that is as entertaining as Dance of the Dead, it must be celebrated and embraced. This movie is a shining example of what you can still do with the sub-genre, and why people still love zombie movies so much. It’s always good to see that there’s still hope for the undead.

The story picks up on the eve of a high school prom. While the teenagers are getting ready for the big night, something is stirring in the local graveyard. As it turns out, toxic waste from the nearby power plant has been seeping into the ground, infecting the dead bodies and bringing them back as cannibalistic corpses (Yes, it is a bit of a coincidence that the dead chose prom-night of all nights to rise up all at once. But you’ll have so much fun watching it take place, you won’t even care). And once the undead get up and get to the flesh-eating, the only ones around who can stop the zombie hordes are the outcasts who couldn’t find dates to the prom. Most of whom are members of the high school sci fi club, with a few others they pick up along the way.

It’s a situation straight out of the Hollywood-land of high school, so well established by John Hughes in the 80’s. Here you have the jocks, the pretty cheerleaders, the stoners, the overbearing football coach, that one guy who should’ve graduated years ago, and of course, the geeks. God bless the geeks. Never underestimate their ability to do massive amounts of damage to the walking dead.

And as for the question of running vs. walking zombies . . . how about zombies that explode out of their graves like a shotgun blast of dirt and flesh-eating corpse? Huh? That do anything for you?

So if you’re feeling starved for a zombie movie that doesn’t suck, has plenty of gore, and even, heaven-forbid, an honest to god storyline, then go ahead and take a look at Dance of the Dead.

-Nate-

We are Legion

So I took the plunge and went to see Legion.



An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity's only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael

8 Things I learned from seeing Legion

1. Even though empowered by the will and armed with the might of God, angels are powerless against a good choke hold (aka the dope fiend). The dope fiend is such a powerful technique how can the heavens allow man to yield such a weapon? Let alone the Ultimate Warrior?

2. When fighting a general in God’s angel army, hitting them in the head with an old TV set won’t help you win the fight but will buy you enough time to run away and hide

3. An Angel’s wings are bulletproof…but angels themselves are apparently not

4. Angels in God’s army get their weapons training on the planet Thanagar

5. Tyrese didn't bring the rain

6. In angel boot camp all recruits are taught to spin in a 360 with their wings out to great a divine blender of death that takes down any foe be it human, fellow angel or Dennis Quaid

7. If you are pregnant with the second coming of Jesus its okay to smoke cigarette...Surgeon general ain't got shit on your healthcare provider’s skills

8. Angels have kick ass tattoos…….but when they die they give their tattoos to mildly retarded people. And despite of the tattoos being written in an angelic script they instruct you to find prophets that can read the tattoos….Jay and Silent Bob anyone



Ultimately the baby is born...Micheal becomes an angel again (after getting killed by Gabriel) because he "gave God what God needed not what he wanted" (which is what Gabriel was try to do by killing the child). The baby, her mom and Dennis Quaids mildly retarded son drive off into the Sunset and you ask yourself what if Jesus was raised by Sling Blade...cuz that is where it seems a sequel would be going
-Snaxx-