Things Every Superhero Should Know

- Long flowing capes should only be worn by professional superheroes, not amateurs. Especially around moving machinery.

- If a super-villain wants to rant, just let him rant. It’ll give you valuable information and enough time to escape his death-trap.

- Don’t fly around while carrying a car or large metal objects. You’ll get picked up by military radar.

- Do not charge directly at the giant killer robot. There are several different ways to solve any difficult problem, and the obvious solution isn’t always the best. Especially if a mad scientist is involved.

- If you ever get hit by a shrink-ray, just stay calm. Use your new size to your advantage. And don’t provoke any household pets.

- Try to avoid getting hit by a high-powered energy cannon. Just because you’re bulletproof does not mean that you’re invulnerable.

- If a UFO approaches the earth, try to communicate with it before you attack. Maybe it’s not invading. Maybe it’s just trying to find a parking space.

- The secret to an effective superhero team-up is communication. If your greatest weakness is your partner’s main power, just say so.

- If you’re going to have a secret headquarters, then make sure it’s clean, dry, and isn’t going to cave in. Crime-fighting equipment doesn’t come cheap.

- If you travel back in time, do not contact your ancestors, do not send yourself messages, and do not try to alter your own timeline. These things never turn out well.

- Gigantic rampaging monsters might look intimidating. But chances are they’re more scared of you than you are of them.

- No matter how hectic your life is, do not clone yourself, do not create a robot duplicate, and do not bring your twin from an alternate dimension into our world. It’s more trouble than its worth, and you’ll just wind up fighting yourself.

- Evil henchmen are people too. They work hard, and most of them don’t have health insurance. Try not to injure them too badly.

- If you have X-ray vision, then use it responsibly. People have a right to their privacy.

- Most people aren’t dressed warmly enough for flying at high speeds. Try to remember that before carrying them with you.

- After you foil a bank robbery, don’t forget to put the money back in the bank.

- Fighting crime is a dirty job. Be sure to wash your costume regularly.

- Think carefully before telling your girlfriend your secret identity. Be sure that she can handle the news well. You never know when she might become your ex-girlfriend.

- If you have a young side-kick, make sure they know when it’s appropriate to provide comic-relief and when it isn’t. Jokes made at the expense of funerals, weddings, ancient pagan gods, and dying alien civilizations can often be in poor taste.

- If you ever encounter an evil super-intelligent computer, the first thing you should try is unplugging the computer. This will usually save you a lot of time and aggravation.

- If a power-mad emperor has a beautiful daughter, do not fall in love with the daughter. She will have daddy issues, and they will put a strain on the relationship.

- Deactivating a doomsday device can take a while. If you’re pressed for time, just throw it into the sun.

- No matter how strong you are, you should not try to lift up a building. You're only going to damage the infrastructure, and it's just a bad idea.

- And finally, it’s tough to balance a civilian life with fighting crime and saving the planet from certain doom. But you can make it easier with a few simple steps, like using a day-planner and taking frequent power naps.